Love and jealousy

How weird is it that you feel love and jealousy at the same time for the same person.
Is it unhealthy or is it actually extremely healthy.
I think it's the latter. I work in a different way. For me its easy to overcome that jealousy when its with someone you care about. 
Jealousy also induces a sense of wanting to be better and improving myself.

So I feel.like I can say live and jealousy is not such a bad combination.

Lost and found

When I try to sit and think about
Who ive lost and who ive found
I just don't know where to start
Or who to count
But I still count and count
And walk around
that's when I realise that

It doesn't even matter

What you find is first lost
As what you want is not cast
All I want to do is erase my memories
And
Start with not one but none.

When you just snap

Has that ever happened?  When you just snap and you loose your head and you say what's in your head and you just don't sugar coat anything and later you find out its just mean to do that.
I just did that. But I didn't know what to feel I just don't feel it anymore if ive hurt someone.  From being a person who cares abput every damn thing. Ive gone to someone who chooses to not care that much sometimes. 
Is that really who I am. Or am I just making too big a fuss about it all and just trying to be someone else  cause you think thats what people want to see.
Or are you just loosing patience with your life.
I have a feeling it might be the last.

loving: a constant tragedy and blessing

                            yes, losing your hearts desire is tragic,                   

but gaining your hearts desire is all you can hope for

this year i wished for love,

to immerse myself in someone close and wake a heart long afraid to feel

my wish was granted 

and if having that is tragic

Then give me tragedy

because i wouldn't give it back for the world.

                                                  - peyton

                             

Intentions

It mainly means to have a purpose.

Ive come to realise that people always have intentions. It is either good and bad or its helpful, hurtful, in your interest or selfish and so on.

I for sure have come across most the kinds or I think I have. Sometimes even though actions or words said have the right intention,  we still get so defensive or worked up because it's not what you want to hear.  I thin this happens most with your family and your close friends.

So how do you stop yourself from getting worked up when they have the right intention?
Do they get the free pass because they did and said what they wanted only for your betterment, even if you think they are crossing the line or pushing you over the edge.

Or do you just let them say what they need to, and just listen and take the best you can of it and forgive them for the rest?

honesty to your heart

so i unfortunately i couldn't make it to the movie on one of the biggest geniuses ever but i went for this play in which a friend was performing.  It s called OVER THE RAINBOW, and its an adaptation of the Wizard Of OZ and was a musical. she is one of the brightest ,most humble people i know.
she s a power house of talent and creativity and watching her perform was pure pleasure and inspiration.
she is one of the closest things i have to a soul mate, and watching her perform with such grace just made me feel so proud. she performed with such ease she made it look so effortless, you know for her it actually is effortless if she makes up her mind. she was the perfect protagonist the play needed.
i can see her going places. especially after she started signing autographs.

she is one of those people who shown me the the true power that lies within you to change and make your life what you want. she is such a passionate person and like everyone else she has her bad days and her good and sometime we get lost in those dark days but her hope and faith in seeing that light always pushes her to keep doing better makes her different from the normal crowd.

it important to be true to yourself however confusing you might feel with what your doing or saying but just being honest to your heart and your head is so so important, I'm realising that now.

people may not agree with you or not, but that is none of your business, right? 

2

So the whole point of this blog was to help myself become independent and start doing things on my own without having to wait for anyone else.  You know,  have that adventurous character which I know I have under a few layers of stupidity.  So today im off to watch a movie about michealangelo alone.
Ill let you know how that goes

1

well i guess i begin to write today mainly because i feel like at the end of the day after reaching an age of 23, which is kinda young but even then, i still feel lonely and I'm just writing to whoever will read what i write and become my person for the few minutes they spend reading what i write. so the person reading my blog now for a few minutes becomes a person I'm very thankful to. so i hope that makes you feel good.
OK back to me now.
Ive never really successfully blogged as i have come realise a demon inside me called lazy ha ha.
ive decided to be as proactive as i can be from my bed. or my table or wherever i can place my behind and still seem like im doing alot and moving around alot :P

so a little about me- im pretty much in the stage alot of people find them times at different points in their lives. where you feel like you dont know what direction your heading, your scared to make the next move and you have no idea if your actually having an issue or your just blowing things out of proportion. pretty normal life i lead haha. i just hope like the rest of you out there, i manage to find my way slowly and steadily, if not like some eccentric genius out there who gets up one day and finds their calling or like those really nice sitcoms you watch about lost people finding their way to little towns where they get a new fresh start and fall in love with some deep thoughtful man with a painful past but is so positive in life and infects you with that optimism and wonder for the world and- well you get my point.

i tend to ramble so feel free to skip a few lines until something you find interesting catches your eye :)

okay ive done enough for my first day.