respect or love

I'm thinking a little more today. i think that why i also have headache he he. just kidding.

if i had to choose between respect and love, what would i choose?
i think from my friends i would want love because only after they respect you do they love you. that is the experience i have with my friends. they only love you because they agree and accept who you are.

but i fight for respect with my family. do we all face the same fight with our family? why is it that getting respect from your family ends up always being a battle we need to face in our lives? I'm not saying i respect anyone easily. to think of it i only look at the concept when i sit and thin like this about respect.

with my family i don't know how respect is. but i feel like in my family we crave love more than respect. don't mistake me we love each other in our own but we fail to see that in the others perspective. i end up feeling we're never happy with the amount of love we receive from our family and in turn we get angry with them when what we really crave for is the same attention from ourselves or the those from the outside of this circle. we turn on our family instead of embracing what they give us.

i come from an Indian family and we're very close knit, sometimes that closeness is the reason for the suffocation we silently face. we end up unintentionally want respect more than love- respect give us attention from other people, makes you look good, accomplished, secure, strong- acceptable. so i find myself sometimes trying to check the small boxes next to these title and forget what it is i really want, whose love or respect i want. i think in the journey of ticking these boxes we end up choosing respect over love.

i think over incidents and over time i've come to realise at this stage in my life-
i choose love.

anyday.

well im back to square 1

i think this is the lowest I've ever been in my life. The funny part is its also the most time ive spent with my family.
you think its going to be a great time, im not stupid a little disagreements, fights and screaming is bound to happen. but is this how bad it should get!
i never thought of it that way!
i feel like most of our fights are caused because we are having personal issues and we end up projecting it on others. and oh my! i can finally say the most mentally distrubing hormone other than testosterone is oestrogen!

too many women in one place is hell! i sorry to all the feminists out there. im just humanist talking. i believe shit happens to everyone, ofcourse there are cases where some are more than the other but lets not get into that!we re talking about my life which has a little too much of the o hormone.

i find myself with a constant weight in my mind. people are just arguing all the time. they have an issue all the time. and i dont know why! im just sick of it and i want to get out.

thats all for today.

lesson: TOO  MUCH OESTROGEN IN ONE PLACE= EMOTIONAL DISTRUCTION.